🦎 Employee Directory
HR Portal » Staff Roster | Updated whenever someone sheds or files a dramatic moth grievance
| Employee | Department | Years of Service | Preferred Moth Type |
|---|---|---|---|
| Chirp 🦎 | Senior Editor | 7 | Large, slow-moving; calls them "sources" |
| Gary 🦎 | Night Desk (near light switch) | 5 | Any (enthusiastic); once chased a cursor for 41 minutes |
| Two Toes (formerly Three Toes) 🦎 | Field Reporting | 6 | Small, agile — "they keep you sharp" |
| Unnamed Source 🦎 | Curtain Rod Division | 4 | Unknown (never comes down, knows everything) |
| Patches 🦎 | Classifieds Desk | 3 | Moths with "personality" |
| Scoop 🦎 | Entertainment Beat | 2 | Only the ones near the porch light |
| Slippy 🦎 | Intern (Coffee Runs) | 0.5 | Too young to hunt, brought moths by staff |
⚠ REMINDER: All geckos must complete the annual Ceiling Fan Safety Training before summer. Gary still hasn't done his. Gary, this is the third reminder. The fan has entered the chat.