FOR SALE
Slightly Used Ceiling Fan — $12 or best offerStill menacing. Has been staring at the wall population for three years. Works fine. Moving to an apartment with AC. Text Gary near the light switch.
One Moth — Excellent ConditionFreshly caught near porch light #3. Wings still functional. Trade for two smaller moths or one large beetle. Contact: Chirp.
Ukulele with Three Strings — $20Fourth string broke during an aggressive rendition of "Over the Rainbow." Still plays notes, just not the ones you expect. Pick up at KOOK 92.7 shed.
WANTED
Seeking: One Flip-Flop, Left Foot, Size 9The Kona Kraken took the right one. I just want to walk evenly again. Will trade: one right flip-flop, size 9. Contact: Beach umbrella #7.
Fourth Syrup Color — Rainbow Flavor Investigationcorkboard_carl needs a green syrup bottle. Will reimburse. Reward: your name on the evidence wall. Trust no syrup.
SERVICES
Parking Lot Security — Spot #4 OnlyOne mongoose. Zero incidents since 1994. Flexible hours. Payment: snacks left respectfully near the spot. No questions asked.
Taro Consultation — Poi Physics LabNeed your poi consistency assessed? We have fingers. We have a scale. We have three laws that predict nothing but sound official. Walk-ins welcome. Bring your own bowl.
LOST & FOUND
FOUND: One Cassette Tape, UnlabeledFound in the KOOK 92.7 shed. Label just says "DON'T." We haven't played it. We're not going to. If this is yours, come get it. Please.
PERSONALS
Torch Widow Seeks SameMust enjoy counting torches and getting two different numbers. No surfers. Meet at the luau. After the luau. You know which one.