Uncle Reno's Weather Rock

How to Read the Weather Rock

Uncle Reno hung this rock from a mango tree in 1982 and accidentally built the island's most honest weather app. It has been forecasting with perfect accuracy ever since. Here is the complete methodology, passed down orally and now written here before Big Weather gets nervous:

If the rock is wet — it's raining.
If the rock is swinging — it's windy.
If the rock is hot — it's sunny.
If the rock is white on top — it's snowing. (This has never happened. The rock remains ready.)
If the rock is gone — hurricane. Also, someone should have tied a better knot.
If the rock is casting a shadow — the sun is out.
If the rock is not casting a shadow — it's night. Or overcast. The rock doesn't distinguish and neither does Uncle Reno.

Accuracy Rate

100% since 1982. Zero false positives. Zero false negatives. The National Weather Service has been invited to calibrate their instruments against the rock. They have not responded to Uncle Reno's coconut mails, which the rock considers an admission.

Testimonials

"I checked the rock before the regatta. It was dry. The regatta proceeded. The ducks floated. The rock was right."

— Duck #14, "Big Gary," via interpreter

"The rock said it was going to be windy. I didn't listen. I lost a flip-flop. The rock remembers."

— Anonymous surfer (the rock knows who)

"I went to the lava lamp oracle for a forecast once. It gave me a blob shape. I went back to the rock. The rock doesn't do metaphors."

— A loyal rock consultant

Is the Rock For Sale?

No. Don't ask again. Someone asked in 1998 and the rock was wet for a week, even though it wasn't raining. The rock has feelings, a long memory, and no venture capital interest.